she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
