Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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