I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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