so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
