so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
