i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
