every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize