i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
