Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
