i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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