The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
