Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
