She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
