Your tits are I can't wait for
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Damn victory sex feels great
as a side note pls kill me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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