just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
