I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Iβve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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