Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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