I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
