Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
