matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
