No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
