There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
