I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
