I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
