i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
