Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
