saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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