I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
