Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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