She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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