Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER