Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
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As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?