Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.