just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
