So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
