I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
