I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
