If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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