It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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