Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
