it was like eating out sand paper
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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