I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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