Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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