Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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