if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
