I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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