I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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