i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Still dying that you shit outside
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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