He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
