i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
