If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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