The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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