what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
