Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
