Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
