Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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