I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
