woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
