as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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