My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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