I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize