day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
