Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize