Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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