How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
