Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize