WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
