I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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