Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
