it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
