i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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