Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
