you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
