the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The air was thick with penises
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dear god my vagina.
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