if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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