If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
