He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
